Which Poem Version Is Best-- White's Century, Pound's Envelope, or Another?
The Ezra Pound poem about bread and flowers
I have been slow posting, always thinking I was on the verge of finishing a post on the Musk Tesla case, or math, or one of the others i the queue. So I will publish this one, since I could write it quickly. It can also be found on my Poems webpage.
In "Lost and Pound" (October 2, 2017), Daniel Swift tells us that James White published this poem in the August 1907 Century magazine.
"By Bread Alone" (James White)
If thou of fortune be bereft,
And in thy store there be but left
Two loaves—sell one, and with the dole
Buy hyacinths to feed thy soul.
Mr. Swift discovered a version of this poem by Ezra Pound in a Tyrolean castle, the Schloss Brunnenburg, where Pound lived late in his life, and where his daughter still lived as of 2017. The poem had no title, and was written on the back of an envelope. It seems Pound had come across White’s poem and decided to improve it. Swift published the poem for the first time in his 2017 book,The Bughouse: The Poetry, Politics and Madness of Ezra Pound.
"Untitled, on the back of an envelope" (Ezra Pound)
Hast thou 2 loaves of bread
Sell one + with the dole
Buy straightaway some hyacinths
To feed thy soul.
I am much given to quoting Paul Valery's famous aphorism,"Un poème n'est jamais fini, seulement abandonné," which is apt for this situation, as well as folding back neatly on itself. I think I can do better than White and Pound.
"Hyacinths" (Eric Rasmusen)
Is all thy wealth two loaves of bread?
Go sell one now, and with the dole
Buy straightaway some hyacinths.
To feed thy soul.
Have I done better? How can I improve my version? (or the other two) Please do answer.
I will also add a limerick by Joseph Horton from the comments that serves as a companion piece to all of these. I have changed it a bit, though (for his original version, see the comments):
There once was a man from Seoul,
Quite in love, but he lived on the dole.
He went off his head
And sold half his bread
For orchids to feed his love's soul.
White’s is original smooth and even. I’m all for variations with a twist and enjoyed Joe’s, but I vote for White’s.
It's all about meter. White's is iambic tetrameter--iambs all the way through: 4-4-4-4. Pound's is 3-3-4-2. Yours is 4-4-4-2. Lots and lots and lots of iambs.
The evenness of White's makes it smooth reading. Pound's and yours are a little more jarring, focusing attention on the flowers. Whit's doesn't do that with meter, only with the words themselves. But he wrote it back in the day when things were shoehorned into fitting. And, to be honest, he did it pretty well.
I'm not sure you've improved on Pound's, but I think both of yours' are better than White's.